I used to be such a starry-eyed believer of love. I thought that love
conquered all - and that as long as you shared that feeling with
someone, it meant that the relationship would last. In the theory of
fairytales and movies, this may be the case, but in North American
reality - not quite. Instead, love is only one of the many ingredients
needed for a long-lasting partnership. But the concerning issue is -
people put so much weight on the feeling of love, a feeling that
inevitably changes, takes different forms and can get blinded easily.
A
partnership is not just about the emotions and feelings of love. A
partnership is about commitment, and being responsible to that
commitment regardless of what the external variables of the time are.
It's about the commitment to choosing decisions that will serve the
relationship even when it would "feel" better to not. Married or not
married, when you decide to enter into a partnership with another,
commitment means you act with integrity, respect and care -even when
your emotions are telling you otherwise.
Because love isn't
enough. Let me clarify, love, in the way most of us define it, isn't
enough. Love isn't what makes you decide to not act out your desires
when someone attractive starts showing you attention (and you haven't
had sex in months). Love is not what makes you apologize and give your
partner a hug after an argument (even though inside you know you're 100%
right).
Love is not what makes you weather the storm when disaster
strikes (which it will). Love is not what makes you decide to treat each
other with kindness, respect and empathy during a breakup or divorce
(you'd be surprised how quickly love can feel like hate at that time).
No, it's not love. It's commitment. It's the responsibility to keeping
your commitment. Not just to the other person, but to yourself.
Love,
and that giddy feeling in your stomach may be what guides you when
you're feeling great about the apple of your eye. But what steers you
when you're going through an ebb, or a rough patch? Can you depend on
love at that point?
Love isn't rational. It can't be controlled.
If you allow a feeling that is so emotional and malleable to dictate
your behaviour, you'll realize quickly that it only pans out when things
are up, not when they're down. Commitment on the other hand, will guide
you through both. Commitment is not dependant on the heartstrings, it's
dependant on a conscious choice you make - and that, is something you
have complete control over.
